Lock and Load

Since everyone else is doing it, I may as well throw my hat into the ring and give some NFL picks. You should probably take them with a grain of salt -- I'm the guy who built his parlay in Week 14 around the Pittsburgh money-line against the Pats. And we all know how well that worked out.

Saturday Games

GREEN BAY (-7.5) over Seattle. You want me to take Shaun Alexander in Green Bay? No thanks. The Seahawks got lucky last week when Suisham missed a chippy from 30 yards that would have put the 'skins up by four, and if the Birds can barely hold off Todd Collins (the final score made the game seem much more lopsided than it really was), how are they going to fare against Favre?

Jacksonville (+13.5) over NEW ENGLAND. This may seem like a really bad, indefensible pick. That's because it probably is -- especially after my Week 14 debacle. Maybe I just have an ingrained hatred of all things from the Boston area. But the two teams match up pretty well, and the Jags like to grind out the clock, which will keep Brady off the field *if* they can keep the game close early. New England faced a couple of stiff tests in the second half of the season (Philly, Baltimore and the Jints, and even the Jets played them reasonably tight) and you can bet your ass that the Jacksonville coaches have been studying tapes from those games all week. Still a victory for the Pats, but not by two touchdowns.

Sunday Games

Giants (+7.5) over COWBOYS. Look, I don't care if Jessica Simpson is or isn't going to be there in her godawful pink jersey. The only variable about this game that matters is which Eli Manning shows up -- the QB who was valued highly enough to be drafted first in 2004, or Retardo the Poop-Throwing Wonder Monkey. The combination of: (i) a hobbled T.O.; (ii) the Giant pass rush; and (iii) the Giant ball-control offense should make this a close game. That is, as long as we don't get the poop-thrower at QB.

COLTS (-9) over Chargers. I have one question for anybody who thinks about taking the Chargers -- did you *see* the Chargers last week? They were losing. At home. Late in the third quarter. To Tennessee!

There's your magic 4-team parlay for this week. You can thank me on Monday by transferring 10% of your winnings to my Full Tilt account.