Normally I Avoid Posting These Things...

...but this one was too spot-on to let slide.

I Like the F-Train in You.

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it. I have to say that I'm anxiously awaiting the Airing of the Grievances, so I can explain to CK in excruciating detail all the ways she has disappointed me this year. She, on the other hand, is anxiously awaiting the Feats of Strength, so she can kick my ass.

Read more...

No Trip Report

I owe a Vegas trip report. Yet somehow, I don't much feel like writing it. Images and brief episodes keep flashing through my head -- most notably, an Iggy whose drunken level was somewhere between "belligerent" and "anti-semitic" and who kept pestering our Korean pai gow dealer, fittingly named Joo, if she wanted a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. She eventually took the whole pack away from him, and he slunk off towards deeper parts of the casino, presumably to play Working or Not Working with Derek and G-Money.

Joo, why do you love our mobneys so? Wait. Don't answer that.
Anyway, I think most of my moments should stay tucked safely away in the nether regions of my memory. Besides, nobody's going to top Derek's recap. He's developed a real knack for telling a cohesive narrative in the "bits and pieces" style that characterizes most of these trips.

Some words that I think should be banned for 2008: blogosphere, gathering (word to a tall, dark, handsome Norwegian), Asian Jew, mobneys, gazebo, Mike Huckabee.

I'm listening to Buddy Dank Radio as I type this, and Instant Tragedy just said "I've gotta give it up to Zeem." I don't think that means what he thinks it means, but what do I know. Maybe it does.

I keep listening to Buddy Douche say "Yo Soy Veneno", and every time I think he's about to say "Yo Soy Pendejo". Not that Veneno is a pendejo.

Has anyone ever live-blogged their reaction to Buddy Dank Radio? It seems like a horrible idea to live-blog a blogger-based radio program. Where have I come across it before...

Last week, I spent my Thursday night in a night club in Vilnius (look it up, people -- it's a world capital!) dancing with hot blonde girls until 3am. Of course. Because now I have a girlfriend who makes certain demands of me, such as "don't stick your dick in anyone else if I'm not there". A perfectly reasonable request, I should add.

I am Jack's Raging Sense of Irony.
Although you can't hear it in this photo, these people are dancing to Hanson's "Mmm Bop" - the ultimate proof of the U.S.'s cultural hegemony if ever there was one.
You know, when Dutch sat down at my mixed game table at MGM Friday night, I thought my trip (which started out horribly, from a gambling perspective) had to have bottomed out. But no, I think it hit bottom when I got carded at the Venetian bar after busting out of the Saturday tourney.

This is sorta random and disjointed, but that's how I've been all day. Deal with it.

Read more...

Home Again, Gone Again

Got home from Vegas about an hour ago. Unfortunately, I have to be back at the airport in 15 hours so that I can fly to Latvia and Lithuania for a quick two-day business trip, returning to New York on Friday. Not sure when I'll be able to find some time to post some Vegas Moments, but we'll see how it goes.

Those of you who won this weekend, you probably have me to thank. I was the ultimate cooler at everything I played, and if it weren't for betting $100 a hand in solidarity with CK to turn my last session of pai gow into a winner, I would have gone 0 for the weekend in everything I played. I was, in the words of Joe Speaker, That Guy.

Read more...

He Never Jumped Springfield Gorge

Evel Knievel defies death no more. He died Friday at age 69 from a lifetime of idiocy. One point to Team Clareified, and the usual tip of the hat to Bacon-Biki... wait, no. That's not right. Tip of the hat to Joe Speaker, who beat Bacon-Bikini Mary by a solid 10 minutes with news of this demise.

Read more...