Notes From Key West

In lieu of a proper trip report, a few actual notes taken by yours truly during the recent Key West excursion:

Wednesday

5:32pm On the plane to Miami. I just realized that it has been 20 years since Appetite for Destruction (aka THE album of the 80s) was released. Yikes. I'm getting old.

8:55pm Mary and I stop in Florida City for food at a rather delightfully tacky restaurant called "The Mutineer" (I suspect it was so named because the cook had declared a mutiny on preparing a tasty meal). Mary mentions that she wants to put me in handcuffs. That Mary. Such a naughty girl. I am more than just a sex object, dammit.

12:53am Finally in Key West, we meet up with Al and Pauly at a place down the street from our hotel called Cowboy Bill's. As we walk in, a chick is riding the giant mechanical bull in the bar's center courtyard. Topless. Shortly thereafter, Mary is humped by a stripper (Al's friend Nikki). Interesting town, this Key West.

Thursday

6:00am Are you fucking kidding me? Why am I awake?

8:00am Hmm, that sunrise was pretty nice. I take back my harsh 6am words.

2:17pm Al may or may not have adjusted my strap-on. Thankfully, there's no photographic evidence, so we'll never know.

10:01pm One of the local acts at Irish Kevin's, a rather talent-less mouse of a man, asked the crowd "Who do I look like?" BG shouts "Melissa Gilbert!" in response.

1am (ish) I am told Mary got the first lap dance of her life at "The Classy Joint". I was not there to witness it because I had pussied out (ha) about two hours earlier in no small amount of pain.

Friday

4:20pm Drizzle says "I value-check my aces." Yes, poker was played!

7:15pm I am stuck $100 playing odds and evens on the Boxer machine with Pauly. The Boxer machine is pretty much what it sounds like - you pay $1 to hit a punching bag, and then the machine gives you a 3-digit "score" which represents how hard you hit the bag. Over 30 minutes, I went from $60 up, to $160 down, to $60 down. When it went back to $100 down, I called off the bet. The next five punches were all even, and would have got me unstuck. Of course.

10:10pm Al passes up bacon because of "the red sauce". I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Even a little dab of the red sauce at the end of my fork was enough to convince me of the wisdom of this decision - it was HOT!

10:30pm Mike with the comment of the night at dinner: "God I hope this isn't cruelty-free veal. I hate when they're allowed to walk."

1:30am In what may be the gayest moment of the trip, a very drunk DP wraps me in a bear hug from behind while on the balcony at Teaser's, placing his junk firmly in my ass region, and starts shouting "I love this woman!" to anyone on the street who would pay him any attention. Thankfully, very few people did.

Saturday

On Saturday there was a rather lengthy poker game at The Compound. I played like a donkey for most of the time, and was eventually rewarded by being felted over the course of three separate hands. Our .25/.50 $40 buy NLHE game had easily $1200 on the table. Gambool! No notes from Saturday as a result.

Sunday

11:17am Mary is talking to squirrels again.

11:45am Goodbye Key West!