Odds and Ends, Tuesday Edition

There's no logic at work here, Andy. Let that one go. In the grand design, women were drawn from a different set of blueprints.
--Special Agent Dale Cooper

And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!
--Dr. Nick Riviera

A few random thoughts tumbling around my head today:

1. "Special" Teams Indeed - Although the Jets special teams performed a bit better in Week 3 by, you know, not allowing a return of 60+ yards, must they make me sweat out every game? Up 31-13 in the fourth quarter, the Jets immediately settled into the "prevent" defense, which as any idiot knows, usually prevents the Jets from winning the game. Cheers were heard from sports books around the country as Miami efficiently took the 8- and 10-yard gains the Jets were allowing and closed the gap to 31-28 (on a 3-point Jets spread - certainly nobody was betting on the Jets). It ultimately came down to a Miami onsides kick attempt against the Jets special teams. The Jets were one very scary onsides kick attempt (two, really, after Chris Baker punched the first one out-of-bounds instead of just using his superior height advantage to CATCH it) from potentially losing the game. Though how comical was it to watch Dolphins kicker Jay Feely scramble for that loose ball?

2. Action Jackson, or Yes, Alceste, I Too Can Lay Down Aces on the Turn - 10/20 at Borgata. A TAG in early position open-raises, a doofus in Middle Position 3-bets, and I wake up with AcAd. I cap, the uber-donkey on my left calls 4 cold (which means he has a hand better than the Hammer), and the other two players both call. Flop comes K-T-2, two hearts, and the TAG leads into me. MP calls, and I think for a long time about throwing my hand away. There's no way TAG leads into me without a set on this board. But just to be certain he's not on AK, I raise. Uber-donkey calls two cold (that's 6 bets cold now), TAG 3-bets. MP calls, I call, Uber-donkey calls (7). Turn is the 9 of hearts, TAG bets, MP calls, I puke and fold. Uber-donkey raises, TAG calls, MP folds. River is a second king, TAG bets, Uber-donkey raises all-in, TAG calls and tables... TT. Shocker. Uber-donkey had Ah8h. Why not?

3. What's My Line? - You know that scene in Swingers where Mike and Rob are in the diner? I feel like that's my life right now.

4. By The Way... - Last but not least, your Week 1 update to the Weight Gain Challenge. Dawn Summers, I am coming for your mobneys!