Hey Dawn Summers - FYMF
I'm not really a fan of blog memes (especially uber-gay ones), but since I value my life more than I value the sanctity of this space, I've given in to Dawn Summers' ridiculous demands that I participate, just so she can get her coveted link back.
(Whore.)
A- available? Could not be more available. All small, cute, nerdy women know where to apply. Medium-skinned, dark-haired ladies to the front of the line.
B- best friend? No. I either spread myself around in a fairly even manner or, more likely, I tell everyone to bugger off and spend some QT with my favorite person - me. This may explain my first answer.
C- cake or pie? "I PLAN ON WRITING AN EPIC POEM ABOUT THIS GORGEOUS PIE."
D- drink of choice? A really nice, smoky scotch will get me just about every time. Of course, really nice, smoky scotch also tends to be incredibly expensive, and since I tends towards, erm, "frugality", it's not often that I let scotch "get me".
E- essential item I use every day: my penis.
F- favorite color? Any shade of deep, primary blue, particularly in clothing, since it highlights my one good feature.
G- gummy bears or gummy worms? Gummy candy is for 14 year-old girls. But then again, so are blogs. Worms, I guess. They match nicely the worms already living in my intestines.
H- hometown? Succasunna, NJ. Pronounced exactly how it looks, and let me tell you that has just been a *barrel* of fun my entire life.
I- indulgence? Poker, I guess. I'm not really the type to be self-indulgent.
J- january or february? February, but only because it usually involves a trip to some place warm.
K- kids and names: No.
L- life is incomplete without? Breathing.
M- marriage date: Try again.
N- number of siblings: Three. All older, although one of them was functionally my fraternal twin as we were 6 months apart in age and in the same grade in school. Let me tell you, nothing builds resentment more as a child than having to share everything with your brother. In my defense, he hit me in the head with a baseball bat when we were about 9. In his defense, I choked him on at least two non-consecutive occasions.
O- oranges or apples? Apples. I do not like citrus fruits at all. Just the very smell of someone cracking open an orange is enough to send me scurrying for the smell of something less foul -- cigarette smoke, a two-week old corpse left to rot in the desert sun, Dawn Summers, whatever.
P- phobias or fears? Do. Not. Like. Heights. Nothing gets my palms tingling and sweating more than heights. Just thinking about heights while typing this sentence, I can feel the sensation starting in my palms a bit. Ugh.
Q- favorite quote? "Are you saying 'boo', or 'boo-urns'?"
R- reasons to smile? Yesterday, I got a letter in the mail from my 8 year old niece's school. Inside was a doll paper-cutout and a hand-printed letter from my niece that read: "Dear Uncle F-Train: I am sending Flat Stanley to you. I hope he learns about your state. Love, Monte. P.S. I love you."
S- season? Lightly, if at all. I prefer most of my food "au naturale".
T- tag: No. Memes are uber-gay. Have I mentioned that yet? Cuz they are.
U- unknown fact about me: I possess an acute knowledge of the symptoms and after-effects of clonidine poisoning after being drugged and rolled by a chick in Moscow in 2002.
V- vegetable you don’t like: I'm not overly fond of radishes. I'll eat them if unavoidable, but they're certainly not high on my list.
W- worst habit: Giving in to Dawn Summers.
Y- your favorite food? Skinny people don't have favorite foods. That's why we're skinny.
Z- zodiac? Cancer/Dragon. "Great emotional vitality is the foundation of this astonishing character's personality. The Cancer/Dragon is born with all of Cancer's profound ability to feel life in every aspect. This subject is also endowed with Dragonish pluck. So we have here a forceful and dauntlessly enthusiastic character. Cancer's eternal black moods will be lightened by the Dragon's phoenix-like ability to rise from the ashes of his own immolation by his natural pep and vigor. Dragon's unwieldy braggadocio will be tempered by Cancer's good sense and dignity. Cancer/Dragon's got just a soupçon of a twinkle in a very sensual glance. Bedroom eyes with a skylight. Cancer wants to keep this subject home. Dragon longs to race out and beat the world at any game in town. Close contact with this dynamic soulful person is always satisfying." Wow. What a load of crap. Anyone who's ever had close contact with me knows that I am neither dynamic nor soulful, and in fact is usually left with the impression that I'm a giant flaming asshole.