1/2 Holdem on Party, A Poker Hostess and Happy Birthday

A couple of odds and ends to cover today, including a rather odd NLHE tourney:

1. Stepped it up to 3 tables on Party yesterday, and the results weren't any better. 6 table hours, -26BBs for a net loss of 4BBs per hour. If you throw in my 25NL results, I'm down about $50 trying to clear this bonus. Thankfully, I only need about 200 more raked hands. I noticed an interesting stat in Poker Tracker yesterday that may help explain what's going on, but I need to do some more research.

2. Second, vying for the "Best Themed NLHE Tournament I've Heard of in Some Time" award comes this little doozy, forwarded to me by a non-blogger in Los Angeles who responded to an ad on CraigsList seeking tournament poker players. My comments follow:

Very simple concept. Wednesday night from 6PM until 11PM, No limit Texas Hold 'em tournament at a "to be disclosed" hotel in downtown Los Angeles near Wilshire and Flower (at least 4 star) to ensure security, privacy and comfort for all. Ten men will play with a $300 buy, the top 3 finishers will receive prizes.

The third place winner will receive his entry fee back and will spend 15 minutes with our hostess, a highly ranked lady you can research on TER. Once she has been confirmed, you will be emailed her info so you can check her out...I can assure you, you will be very eager to play for her!

The second place winner gets his entry fee back and 30 minutes with her.

The grand prize winner gets the honor of being champion for the week and will then entertain our hostess until 6AM that Thursday morning.

Sound good? There are a few rules.

The location of the event will be disclosed to the participants the night before via email. Do not bring anyone else to the game. You can refer them to this email if you like, but everyone must have clearance!

Everyone will be required to place their licenses in the hotel room safe while they are in the room. Once you are eliminated from the game, your license will be returned and you can go home and brush up on your game for next week!

Our hostess will show up late in the game. When she does, please treat her with respect and courtesy. We want her to come back, don't we?

NO activity other than poker playing will take place in the room...the winners will follow the hostess to another room where you will have your personal time with her!

Snacks, beer, liquor and mixes will be provided.

No aggressive behavior of any kind will be tolerated. Violators will be removed and dealt with by hotel security. Let's just play nice.

Please drink responsibly at the event...if anyone is getting more than buzzed, he may be cut off. We're gentlemen, so let's act as such.

Also, the next few events may see the opportunity to book adult film stars. That will require a higher buyin but the structure will remain the same. Please email any stars you think would be exceptionally interesting to act as event hostess.

Finally, the entry fee goes to pay our hostess for hosting the game, cover the cost of the room and food and drinks, and nothing else...whatever goes on between the hostess and the top 3 winners is their business...I have nothing to do with it. Also, please do not offer our hostess money at any time. This could be construed as solicitation which is illegal in California.

Ok, ok, I have a NUMBER of things to say about this.

* Straight off, this is taking the "satellite" concept to an extreme. Instead of a buy-in to a high stakes tournament, you get a buy-in to a high stakes call girl.

* Does it seem odd to anyone else that the winner doesn't get any money, even though second and third place do? I don't know about you, but a half hour and $300 seems like a better deal to me than all night and no money. I mean, how much are those extra orgasms really worth? We all know it's diminishing returns after the first one anyway.

* Speaking of money, let's look at the numbers: $3,000 in the kitty. Deduct $300 for a hotel suite, $300 to the third place finisher, $300 to the second place finisher, and $100 for booze and snacks (a gross estimate I know, but AlCantHang could show). That's $1,000 off the top, meaning that this "hostess" is charging $2,000 for her "time". Yowza.

* What's up with putting the licenses in the safe? Is that supposed to ensure "security" and that nobody gets out of line during the tournament? I should probably direct the author of the email to this article in the New York Times yesterday about how easy it is to make a high-quality fake ID these days.

* "Exceptionally interesting" and "adult film star" don't really fit in the same sentence.

* Finally, I have to be amused that after all of this, the author is kind enough to point out that offering the hostess money for any sort of favor could be considered solicitation in California. That's real swell of him.

Yeah. Moving on...

3. It would be remiss of me not to point out that yesterday was the one year anniversary of this here humble blog. Yes, one year ago, back when this blog still had potential to be something other than a hideously boring pile of crap, I was pounding out posts on topics other than poker. Imagine that.